By Sharon Aron Baron

Having been on Facebook for a few years now, I’ve enjoyed connecting with old and new friends. But what I’ve noticed is that a lot of my Facebook friends fall into one of several different types of users, each with their own very distinct traits.

I compiled a list of different types of Facebook users based on what they share. Let me remind you, just in case a few of my friends “de-friend” me on Facebook, that I have been guilty of a few of these myself.

Quote-ster: If anyone has over 100 friends, you’ll find the one that has taken it upon themselves to send out their “turds of wisdom” each day. This mini-Tony Robbins feel that they are the “chosen one” to motivate the masses. Many times they’ll dish out quotes without attributing the author. Next time you see them post something pithy, ask them if they wrote it themselves.

Feed Hog: Everyone has one of these. They fill up a page of your news-feed with riveting details of their lives. Where they are, what they are doing, or what they are about to eat. They never seem to get replies or “likes.” It doesn’t matter as they never look back. The Feed Hog is too busy posting about the next detail in their life. Routinely, they are blocked by others because of incessant posting.

“Working…for another 15 minutes…and then it’s off to sleep…”

Followed by:

“30 minutes later and I’m still working!”

Sit-on-my-ass-activist: This person loves to tell others what to do while sitting on their ass. It’s a new form of activism that does not require any type of exertion on their end. They will “like” pages for charitable causes and believes this makes them a philanthropist. They will also sit on their pulpit and request that their friends do the same level of lazy activism by having them forward messages in their status updates.

“I AM ASKING IF EVERYONE COULD PUT THIS AS THEIR STATUS FOR 1 HOUR. I’M PRETTY SURE I KNOW THE ONES THAT WILL. THINK OF SOMEONE YOU KNOW OR LOVE WHO HAS OR HAD DIABETES. MY WISH IS THAT IN 2011 A CURE WILL BE FOUND. WILL YOU POST IT FOR 1 HOUR TO HONOR THOSE WHO HAVE DIABETES. HOPE TO SEE IT IN YOUR STATUS-IT IS A HONOR TO COMPLY.”

Dan Rather: The same type of person must keep their friends abreast of all news events because they believe everyone (besides themselves) are in the dark about national events. Every status update is a story from not only news organizations, but from any opinionated blogger that agrees with them. Their opinions are law and if you respond with a differing one, expect verbal assault from their like-minded friends.

Sir Links-a-Lot: This person sits quietly except for sending you links from all their favorite websites. They offer no opinions on their links in the space that Facebook gives them, or even a head-up to what the story is about. This person’s objective is to forward news stories or urban legends to everyone on their friends list.

Do you have a Facebook friend like this?

Perky Politician: This person is in office or running for office. From their Facebook pulpit they speak to their legions of followers with optimistic tales of their perfect lives. There is never a bad day for the perky politician. They will be the first one to remind you what the true meaning of the upcoming holiday is, as well as telling their followers to be thankful for their blessings.

Name-Dropper: They need to let you know that they aren’t sitting alone looking at Facebook like the loser you are. They are out and about mingling with important people. They tag their important friends every time they meet them off Facebook. This person will also send photos of them and their “Besty” alienating all their other friends.

The Unsubtle Salesperson: The Salesperson is someone you may have had to “Hide” from your feeds or just de-friend. This person believes that Facebook was invented to personally market their business. They promote their “work from home” or “Amway” type multilevel marketing company on their news-feed, routinely sneaking their products on unrelated threads. The salesperson does not know how to sell face-to-face without Facebook.

The Devout One: These are god-fearing people with updates that are public affirmations to their love of God. Everyday they will usually thank God for something. It’s always fun to watch when they act “ungodly” when something pisses them off.

“Sometimes we do not appreciate what He is providing to us because it is not happening as quickly as we like, but that is when He is making us use patience and faith. Two things I am becoming stronger with. Have an amazing and safe weekend everyone!!!”

Debbie Downer: The name is taken from a Saturday Night Live skit. This person (not to be confused with pompous poster) usually is a single middle-aged person living with their cats and wants to inflict their negativity by posting sad stories about the cruel world outside their doors.

Schmocal: This is the phenomenon that happens when someone goes somewhere in their local area and act like it’s some big discovery. Maybe this just happens where I live in Florida where friends that live only miles from the beach post tiresome updates about their visit there. This event needs to be shared with the world because it’s such an oddity: Living in a coastal town and visiting the beach. The posts are usually accompanied by photos proving that they were actually at the beach – eight miles from their home.

“We’re here at the beach and having a great time!” or “Beach with Chris in a few hours.”

The Pompous Poster: Facebook friend who still thinks they look the way they did back in high school and still acts like they’re in high school, but sadly has become overweight and insecure. They enjoy cutting you down with their wisecracks remarks.

The Lurker: The lurker was persuaded to register to Facebook by family and friends and reluctantly did probably because they were tired of being nagged about not being on Facebook. Since 2008, they have rarely checked-in or communicated since. This friend has never bothered to upload a profile photo, so their “face” on Facebook is the default “shadow man” image. Tagged photos of them during good times in college get no response.

Photo Phooler: They haven’t posted a current photo of themselves for years. They will continuously use a profile photo from 20 years ago and pass it along as their current self. This type of user will also use their dog, cat or even their children to distract others from seeing what they really look like.

Rob Me – I’m going on Vacation: Now why would anyone tell hundreds of friends and possibly strangers that they are going on vacation?

“I’m packing for Nashville!”

“Can’t wait for this weekend in New York.”

They may as well be telling the world to rob them. Please tell your friends about your vacation after you get back.

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Sharon Aron Baron

Sharon Aron Baron is the Editor of Talk Media and Tamarac Talk, Coral Springs Talk, and Parkland Talk. Tamarac Talk was created in 2011 to provide News for the residents of Tamarac and is the #1 News Source for Residents.